I find myself skewed to the dark side – I thank rock n roll for all it hath wrought.
Happiness and pain ride the same boat.
In shadow dreams
No color of skin, nor mien
Walk around consuming, tasteless eatings;
Void of feelings
Yet hanker for the ‘greater things’
When nothing’s really what it seems
Pretentious luxuries the world fiends.
A pariah born by no mother, searching for a purpose, a reason
Wanders in the shadows of the unseen
Lost amongst the developing chaos of masked entities.
A heart – that’s a clock run backwards; beating – to the end’s beginning
To recapture a child’s bliss and arrant freedom.
The eye’s perception of happiness fled, disappeared in the midst of all the horror dispersed infinitely throughout the mind. Nightmares bestowed upon me day and night, nothing left but a hollow glaze deep into reminisce. A melancholic vibe lingers up my spine, as if to paralyze any state of recovery. Beneath it all furry flows through every vein, hate and rage consume the mind. The heart – stoned near to death, yet beats in defiance of letting go – defeat is not an option. Though joy has deceased as of now and the memories of horror will not depart from haunting me, there is something better to grasp onto, at least there can be nothing worse. So I sit and ponder, must I let go of the numbing substance that avails happiness for true joy to prevail once again? Some may say so, I do not know for sure. All I know is this: that it would be an excruciating line to cross, for the horrific memories that were blotted out and drowned by the tainted glass await to plague me again in sobriety. Yet to feel love and joy is to feel pain and sorrow, never one without the other.
Many walk in the shadow of who they wish to be, like slaves – forgetting who they really are.
No influence is worse than that that reflects your own dark ventures.
The only thing left to hold on to, the bottle, which was always empty squeezed firmly in my grip.
If I gave a fuck, it would be to keep the lack of fucks given towards nonsense to a maximum capacity of fucks not given.
Hard drink and mind twisting medicine bring me afloat to sanity bay.
Time between time.
When life slows down, to the clock’s last tick.
Life freezes in the unbearable shock of catastrophe.
Your mind’s entrapped in the one moment.
In reality time goes on:
As the earth rotates the sun,
And the rest of entities go on in their daily existence.
But your mind is paralyzed in the ferocious grip of the night’s horror;
Raped relentlessly by this nightmare; fluttering images flashing through the mind.
In later years, the most valid efforts of burial by hard drink are proven futile.
It has only engraved the desolation deeper into the darkest crevasses of the mind.τ
So the ensued alternative would be to surface the nightmare,
As to relieve or rid yourself of its paroxysms of a melancholy shadow cast over thy life.
Yet in spite of all the vigorous efforts of both – there is no way of escape; stuck in the moment –
Time between time.